It Sounded Like a Solid Plan at the Time
by Maynard Alexander















I mean really, the chair was light, I'd lost weight, been working out and was feeing great about turning 44 in under five days.

However, jumping off the back of a truck with said chair in my hand, will fail to weave its way into my forever growing tapestry of wise decisions, for it resulted in this...a torn quad.





No...that is not my leg. My leg is to sexy for this blog.






It was a hot July afternoon as my family and I moved into our new apartment. It was smaller than our previous abode, but we decided to go smaller considering the kids -J 13 and D 17- would be leaving the house soon, or if anything sporadically visiting home as they set out into adulthood, forging their own path in this world. So we choose an apartment at the border of Arlington and Grand Prairie Texas, a vibrant area, full of restaurants, movies and quick access to the either Dallas or Ft Worth. Our moving company was supplied to us by the website umoveforfree.com, which provided us with the first 2.5 hrs on the house, with anything beyond the given time frame, coming out of my pocket. I was cool, figuring since we were already packed, this would move swiftly, and if anything, I might have to drop around $100.00.

But then the movers came.

Now, before I go any further, let me say the moving company, the website and the movers themselves were highly accommodating, professional and polite. But when I tell you the young male duo sent to move us knew little if anything about moving...the young male duo sent to move us knew little if anything about moving.

They might as well have been current members of Congress

They were polite, helpful and hard working. They only worked slow when they had to figure out how to pack our things, which, no disrespect, took too long and occurred far too often. I watched them spend five minutes figuring out how to stack the bikes atop our washer and dryer. The frustrated looks pasted on their sweaty faces reminded me enduring mathematical problem after problem in high school geometry, only I assumed moving was a hell of alot simpler than geometry. Needless to say,  with my two and a half hour window slowly closing I contacted the moving company to settle this issue. The manager responded quickly and fairly took fifty off the cost incurred so far, but we still had to expedite the move to avoid any further charges. (In addition, the website's customer service department provided me with two $50.00 gift cards for my troubles.)

Which brings me to the reason why I am recovering form surgery.

My son and I got on the truck to help speed things up. It was getting late, I didn't want to spend any more money on this friggin move than I had to, and WWE Smackdown was coming on. So with visions of Sasha Banks and Paige dancing in my head, I easily hoisted one of my grandmother's antique chairs up into my arms, walked to the edge of the truck and jumped.

In the sport of pro-wrestling, I unknowingly committed a high risk maneuver.

Now my wife says the chair was heavy. I disagreed, but my surgeon -Dr. J. Pond in Arlington TX whom I highly recommend- said, just because it didn't seem heavy to a man my size, didn't mean it wasn't.

In addition, he, my wife and just about every friend, family members and stranger I knew politely reminded me I was 44...not 24.

Needless to say here I am, laid out in bed writing to maintain my sanity. You see my friend, writing can be cathartic, and soul cleansing in a way. So sharing my experience, is helping me heal and laugh about my folly, while hopefully amusing you.

In addition, this thunderous blunder has brought our family closer. The kids have been helpful and positive. My parents have been in my corner the whole time, and my wife...wow...I have to be on crutches and rehab for 4-6 months. She has been patient, stern when necessary -I can be a difficult patient- and loving. You can believe, after all she's done, my wife will be having one hell of a night on the town when her now two legged man -read between the lines- will be at full strength.

Not to mention, this has been a very humbling experience for me. I recall one of the guys I respect highly in pro wrestling Paul Lévesque aka Triple H tore his quad muscle, and after his surgery and the painful recovery period which followed, he came back even better.

So while this is an inconvenience, I have AFLAC insurance to help ease my pain, a supportive family as well as the knowledge that while my physical therapy might be painful, it strengthen my will power, steel my heart and probably get me in the best shape of my life.

Hell I even have a workout playlist saved on my phone. Like SpongeBob, I'm ready.

As a person who suffers from depression, I have to accept there are no accidents, and that I must be like water and flow forward onto something greater.

However, I can still here the raspy, distinctive style of the late great Red Foxx speaking to me as if I were his TV son Lamont...

"You big dummy!"